Gentle Yoga Blog

It’s much more than good time management!

First, take some time and think about what is really going on with you — Allergic to exercise, but you know you should?  Too much demand, not enough time?  Lack of control and discipline?  Too much caring for others?

What are the secrets to fitting in exercise?  Find out what makes you happy!  What delights you!  What do you look forward to?  Be willing to ask yourself, “How can I better care for me?  What is it that I truly need?”  Give yourself permission to enjoy your exercise.  Seduce yourself into calling it “creative movement” or whatever works for you.  For example, call walking (for aerobic exercise) a “moving meditation”.

Conventional wisdom is that a good exercise program includes stretching, strengthening, aerobic activity and relaxation, ideally, all aspects in the same routine, but sometimes it is necessary to break up these parts into separate activities.  Decide for yourself the type of movement you will do.

Then, make an appointment with yourself – write this activity in your calendar or planner.  Start with realistic goals and get support for doing it.  Find a walking partner or a fitness coach or a friend to attend classes with if this might help keep you accountable on the exercise program you are designing for yourself.  Set consistent times and keep these appointments with yourself, as you would keep any other commitment.  If you are just starting out, once a week is a good start.  Ideally, exercise three times a week, in the morning if possible.   I have also heard recommendations from health care providers to do some form of exercise for 30 minutes per day, five days per week.

If you are going to exercise at home, find a location that is conducive to exercise and see that as your special time for yourself.  Get your props (mat, DVDs, etc.) ready, and pick a time that fits into your schedule.

Enjoy yourself, and remember that starting can be the hardest part.  And remember to breathe!  Keep your sense of humor, and give yourself rewards and positive acknowledgments on the way.  Always be gentle with yourself as you make progress, and you will!  There are no shortcuts, but you can empower yourself to design a program on your schedule that will include stretching, strengthening, aerobic and relaxation!

Please visit my website at http://www.gentleyoga.com and check out my class schedule and DVDs, books and mp3s available for home practice. If I can help you meet your goals in 2012, it would be my pleasure to do so!  Namaste and Happy New Year!

Naomi

   The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in sick one day. Needing to have an urgent problem with one of the main computers resolved, he dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper.

   “Hello?”
   “Is your daddy home?” he asked.
   “Yes, he’s out in the garden,” whispered the small voice.
   “May I talk with him?”
   The child whispered, “No.”
   Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your Mommy there?”
   “Yes, she’s out in the garden, too.”
   “May I talk with her?”
   Again the small voice whispered, “No.”
 

   Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, “Is anybody else there?”
   “Yes,” whispered the child, “a policeman.”
 

    Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, “May I speak with the policeman?”
   “No, he’s busy,” whispered the child.
   “Busy doing what?”
   “Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman,” came the whispered answer.
 

   Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background, the boss asked, “What is that noise?”
   “A helicopter,” answered the whispering voice.
   “What is going on there?” demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
   Again, whispering, the child answered, “The search team just landed a helicopter.”
 

   Alarmed, concerned, and a little frustrated, the boss asked, ”What are they searching for?”
   Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle… “ME.”

    Do you have any other jokes you’d like you share? Please send them our way so that the yoga classes can benefit. Make it a great weekend, and see you in class!

    Best friends graduated from medical school at the same time and decided that, in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice together to share office space and personnel.

     Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist; they put up a sign reading “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors”.

     The town council was livid and insisted they change it.

     So, the docs changed it to read “Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.” This was also not acceptable, so they again changed the sign. “Catatonics and High Colonics”… No go.

     Next, they tried “Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives”… thumbs down again. Then came “Minds and Behinds”… still no good. Another attempt resulted in “Lost Souls and Butt Holes”… unacceptable again! So they tried “Analysis and Anal Cysts”… not a chance. “Nuts and Butts”… no way. “Freaks and Cheeks”… still no good. “Loons and Moons”… forget it.

     Almost at their wit’s end, the docs finally came up with “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Specializing in Odds and Ends”.

     Everyone loved it!

    Do you have any other jokes you’d like you share? Please send them our way so that the yoga classes can benefit. Make it a great weekend, and see you in class!

   A guy decides to bring his new blonde girlfriend to a football game. After the game is over, he asks her if she liked the game.
   She replies, “Oh it was great. I loved watching those men in tight clothes, but there is one thing I don’t understand.”
   He asks, “What did you not understand?”
   And the blonde says, “Well, at the beginning of the game, both teams flipped a quarter to see who would kick off first. Then the rest of the game everybody was yelling ‘Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!’ So I thought to myself, ‘Gosh, it’s just a quarter!’”

    Do you have any other jokes you’d like you share? Please send them our way so that the yoga classes can benefit. Make it a great weekend, and see you in class!

   A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, ”I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.”

    The rancher said, “Okay, but don’t go in that field over there…” as he pointed out the location.

   The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, “Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!” Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.

    “See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish… on any land!! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear?! Do you understand?!!”

   The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.

   A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher’s big Santa Gertrudis bull…

   With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he’d sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs…

   “Your badge! Show him your BADGE!!”

    Do you have any other jokes you’d like you share? Please send them our way so that the yoga classes can benefit. Make it a great weekend, stay cool, and see you in class!

A customer asks, “In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?”
 

The clerk looks at him and says, “I take it you’re Polish?”
 

The man, clearly offended, says, “Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a taco, would you ask if I was Mexican? Or if I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?”

The clerk says, “No, I probably wouldn’t.” 
With deep self-righteous indignation, the man says, “Well, then why did you assume I’m Polish just because I asked for Polish sausage?”
“Because you’re in Home Depot.”

   Do you have any other jokes you’d like you share? Please send them our way so that the yoga classes can benefit. Make it a great weekend, stay cool, and see you in class!

This is one of the funniest voice recordings I’ve heard! Enjoy it and I’ll see you in class next week.

Lutheran Airlines

   Do you have any other jokes you’d like you share? Please send them our way so that the yoga classes can benefit. Make it a great weekend, stay cool, and see you in class!

   A young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean, but just before she could throw herself off the docks, a handsome young man stopped her.

   “You have so much to live for,” said the man.  “I’m a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow.  I can stow you away on my ship.  I’ll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy….”

   With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy, the woman accepted.  That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. 

   From then on, every night he would bring her sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn.  Three weeks later she happened to be discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.

   “What are you doing here?” asked the captain.

   “I have an arrangement with one of the sailors,” she replied.  “He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy .”

   “I see,” the captain said.

   Her conscience got the best of her and she added, “He’s also taking advantage of my womanhood.”

   “He certainly is,” replied the captain.  “This is the Staten Island Ferry.”

   Do you have any other jokes you’d like you share? Please send them our way so that the yoga classes can benefit. Make it a great weekend, stay cool, and see you in class!

   Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord… “God, what does a million years mean to you?”

   The lord replies, “A minute.”

   Smith asks, “And what does a million dollars mean to you?”

   The lord replies, “A penny.”

   Smith asks, “Can I have a penny?”

   The lord replies, “In a minute.”

   Do you have any other jokes you’d like you share? Please send them our way so that the yoga classes can benefit. Make it a great weekend, stay cool, and see you in class!

   Johnny goes to confession and says “Bless me father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.” The priest asks, “Is that you, little Johnny?” “Yes, Father, it is.” “And who was the woman you were with?” Johnny says “I can’t tell you, Father. I don’t want to ruin her reputation.” “Well, Johnny, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now.

“Was it Tina Curtis? I’ve heard strange things about her.”

“I cannot say.”

“Was it Teresa Tiboots? Everybody knows her reputation.”

“I’ll never tell.”

“Was it Nina Olivier? She’s a complete flirt with all the boys.”

“I’m sorry but I cannot name her.”

“Was it Cathy Prajean? How many times have I told her ‘boys are the devil’?”

“My lips are sealed.”

“Was it Rosa Bridges? Come on Johnny, spit it out, my son!”

“Please, Father,” Johnny pleaded, “I cannot tell you.” The priest sighs in frustration. “You’re very tight-lipped, Johnny Babineaux and I admire that, but you’ve sinned and have to atone. You cannot attend church services for four months. Now you go and behave yourself.”

Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Jack slides over and whispers, “What’d you get?”

Johnny replies, “Four months vacation and five good leads…”

   Do you have any other jokes you’d like you share? Please send them our way so that the yoga classes can benefit. Make it a great weekend, stay cool, and see you in class!